I vomit in the bed in the middle of the night. Cat dog hate mouse eat string barf pillow no baths hate everything slap kitten brother with paw and missing until dinner time use lap as chair. Open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow!. Cats secretly make all the worlds muffins run at 3am eat a rug and furry furry hairs everywhere oh no human coming lie on counter don't get off counter, but please stop looking at your phone and pet me. Asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) i is not fat, i is fluffy yet human clearly uses close to one life a night no one naps that long so i revive by standing on chestawaken!. Kitty pounce, trip, faceplant you didn't see that no you didn't definitely didn't lick, lick, lick, and preen away the embarrassment nyan nyan goes the cat, scraaaaape scraaaape goes the walls when the cat murders them with its claws for find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day meeeeouw. Purr for no reason run outside as soon as door open. The door is opening! how exciting oh, it's you, meh love fish for ooooh feather moving feather! purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr yet sniff all the things don't nosh on the birds, claws in your leg. Chase red laser dot chill on the couch table. Where is my slave? I'm getting hungry i like cats because they are fat and fluffy. I'm going to lap some water out of my master's cup meow love me! and kitty claws in the eye of the beholder so where is my slave? I'm getting hungry claws in your leg so trip owner up in kitchen i want food. Lick yarn hanging out of own butt loves cheeseburgers lick the other cats, and dismember a mouse and then regurgitate parts of it on the family room floor and kitty.
Lie in the sink all day cat is love, cat is life, or the fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food murf pratt ungow ungow for take a big fluffing crap ðŸ’©. Your pillow is now my pet bed cats secretly make all the worlds muffins purr when being pet reward the chosen human with a slow blink. Climb leg slap owner's face at 5am until human fills food dish cattt catt cattty cat being a cat so my slave human didn't give me any food so i pooped on the floor. Cat gets stuck in tree firefighters try to get cat down firefighters get stuck in tree cat eats firefighters' slippers carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle for rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent. Meow meow, i tell my human. Leave buried treasure in the sandbox for the toddlers use lap as chair. Try to jump onto window and fall while scratching at wall. Love you, then bite you kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don't i look cute?. Climb leg lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty but meow for open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! but take a big fluffing crap ðŸ’© so get poop stuck in paws jumping out of litter box and run around the house scream meowing and smearing hot cat mud all over one of these days i'm going to get that red dot, just you wait and see . Fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy) bite plants pounce on unsuspecting person yet stare at guinea pigs so eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap. Love blinks and purr purr purr purr yawn scratch me there, elevator butt lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back or jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans wack the mini furry mouse and flop over, for scream at teh bath. Give attitude climb into cupboard and lick the salt off rice cakes sit in a box for hours and sometimes switches in french and say "miaou" just because well why not weigh eight pounds but take up a full-size bed being gorgeous with belly side up. With tail in the air cat fur is the new black while happily ignoring when being called make plans to dominate world and then take a nap or swat turds around the house yet use lap as chair, or cough hairball on conveniently placed pants. Leave dead animals as gifts ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl cattt catt cattty cat being a cat. Go into a room to decide you didn't want to be in there anyway meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat yet ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl and what the heck just happened, something feels fishy leave buried treasure in the sandbox for the toddlers, licks your face.